


We’re Not Broken Just Bent

by princeruu



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But in the entertainment industry who wouldn't?, Canon Compliant, Disbandment, Everyone Is Gay, Future Fic, HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE YOU, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, KQ suck ass, M/M, More angst, Multi, YAAY, kinda morally ambiguous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeruu/pseuds/princeruu
Summary: Ateez had fallen victim to the 7 years curse in the worst way possible. Thanks to Korea’s collective conservative minds. Eight no longer makes one team.In short, the nation was not ready for same sex idol couples but San and Wooyoung are too in love to let things go.Will Hongjoong be able to get his team back together again?
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 15
Kudos: 33





	1. Yeosang and Jongho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am again, choosing a different path, the path of anguish and desperation. Urgh I don't know what kind of sad fucking spirit possessed me while I was writing this but here you go, melanchoteez.
> 
> Also disclaimer, I'm sorry for any OOCness and I'm sorry if I make your favs an asshole. Trust me I love all of them and it breaks my heart to turn any of them to assholes. Oh gosh I'm a masochist, am I? One last thing, I would like to beg for your forgiveness for this grammar nightmare, I don't have a beta-reader.
> 
> Before we started, basically there are two timelines. The past (pre disbandment), will be mostly written in italics. The present (5 years post disbandment) will be written normally. I will be alternating timelines but the time flow will be mostly one way. Please enjoy!

Jongho remembers. When he was a child, how happy he stomped around in a toy shop, having a hard time picking a favorite out of the horde of cool RCs and bullet train die casts because he won a singing championship and chipped a little bit of the prize money for his own muse. His mother always said she would keep the rest for his future savings but honestly he couldn't care less even if she ultimately didn't. The RC probably cost more than the prize money anyway.

So there he is, standing in the middle of shelves and shelves of shiny boxes with robots and cars and vintage looking steam punk style locomotives. Jongho didn't really keep up with the “boys will be boys” corner since he spend his teenage hood in the practice room singing, dancing, and concepting his whole career which ultimately went down the drain thanks to a series of unfortunate events and a huge chunk of greed and stupidity.

Ironic that these plastic models somehow stands as a bitter reminder of his old precious time when his old group got into a plastic modeling frenzy which ended just as abruptly as how it started. Just like them.

“Can I help you with someth-”

For a moment, Jongho halts because the voice, which most likely belongs to the store’s employee who wants nothing but for him to hurry choose a model, pay, and get out, reminds him of someone. And that someone might be attached to one of, if not the biggest shit that ever happened in his life.

“J-Jongho? W-what a surprise.”

The voice is as calm as Jongho remembers it to be, as low as the hum that used to accompany him in the training room when others were busy striking down a ramen cup pyramid with a rolled up sweaty shirt. But even with all those comfort the man exudes, Jongho’s heart almost leaps out of his chest because he never really expect to run into someone of his past in a small toy shop in Anyang.

He shudders. Even years after their disbandment, he can still recognize that presence without even looking. Even after years of convincing himself that he didn't want to have anything to do with any of them, he’s sure he can still spot them from miles away.

“H-hyung? You work here?”

Jongho almost misses the subtle squint in his apparently-still-hyung’s eyes for his slightly insensitive question. He may be wrapped in an Armani suit he bought from his own balance and the man in front of him may wear a Uniqlo polo shirt underneath a jacket with the toy store’s logo printed on it but it doesn't mean that it’s okay to ask a question that emphasizes their possible difference in social and financial status.

“Um yes. Hence I'm asking whether I can help you or not.”

The man in front of him looks no different than he appeared a decade ago. His eyes are still looking sharp and captivating as ever and those unyielding expression over his awkward self is still making Jongho jittery whenever he intended to strike a joke at him.

“Oh yes. Please. Yeosang-hyung. I’m looking for a present.”

“A present? For who?” Yeosang pauses “If I may ask. For better recommendation.”

It seems like Yeosang too is careful about this particular customer of his because he is Jongho. The Choi Jongho.

“For Denise’s nephew. He’s 14.”

“Does he have a hobby?”

“He likes anime. And remote controls.”

And suddenly Jongho is stuck in-between narrow isles and Yeosang’s seamless figure as literally and metaphorically as possible because damn the sealed off memory of his old team just keeps coming back bit by bit, laughter by laughter, tear by tear. Joyful laughter, frustrated laughter, happy tears, angry tears, everything.

He follows Yeosang from shelf to shelf, too ashamed to admit that instead of paying attention to Yeosang’s guide and recommendation, his eyes pursue those awfully familiar brown orbs twinkling with interest as he elaborates the latest technology of cam drones and hybrid Tamiya. Yeosang always had time for his hobby amidst their super busy schedule back then so maybe this line of work suits him better than entertainment.

At last he’s happy.

“So have you make your choice?”

Jongho doesn't know if he just spend 5 minutes or 20 or 2 hours just listening to Yeosang blabbering about frictionless dynamo or some sort.

“I’ll go with your choice.”

Of course. Because he doesn't listen.

“How about the price range?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh. Yeah. Of course it doesn't.”

Yeosang smiles sheepishly but Jongho can sense the floating unease on his face.

Ah. He does that again. The unintentional vanity.

“I think this drone is a good choice. And we only have one in stock so it’s kinda one in a million thing.”

“I agree.”

Jongho absentmindedly tails Yeosang unlocking the glass display to take the massive box out. Yeosang is in his most natural state. Natural dark hair, pale pink birthmark that was usually covered by mandatory make up is now showing, he also supports a healthy body without the pressure of looking slim for the sake of other people’s enjoyment.

Yeosang puts the box on top of the register table, shocking a younger staff who’s paying too much attention to her phone instead of the store.

“Focus, Yoon. Print out a card. And wrap this. It’s a present.”

The girl almost drops her phone as she stumbles on her job.

“Sorry, boss.”

She grins widely and honestly Yeosang doesn't have any heart to keep on scolding her because he’s a big softie and Jongho can totally see that. Some things do not change. Jongho’s just glad that at least Yeosang owns the business.

“Erm, may I have the recipient’s name? You can also add a message if you want. Wait..”

The young staff eyes the customer, her boss, her customer, and back to her boss again with sparkles cressendo-ing on her eyes.

“Choi Jongho?! Are you Choi Jongho???? Boss, do you know he’s Choi Jongho?!! Oh my God I need a signature. My mom’s birthday is next week and this will be the best present ever! She’s a huge fan!” The girl leans towards Yeosang and puts a hand to cover her while she whispers to her boss’s ear _“He’s the OST God in the flesh! The one who has been in the news lately for a cheating allegation against Kim Denise.”_

As if Yeosang doesn't know already.

He just sighs and Jongho eyes him weirdly as Yoon scrambles to loot the shop’s greeting card supply and hands it to Jongho to sign. Of course Jongho doesn't have any objection. They did a transaction on their respective recipient’s name and then she’s gone to strangle the huge wrapping paper and on to her job.

“What?”

Yeosang asks. Probably Jongho isn't so subtle with his expression.

“Doesn’t she know?”

“Jongho-yah. No one in her generation knows a Kang Yeosang from Ateez. It’s a miracle they’ve heard about Ateez at all.”

That name. Jongho winces.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah it has been what?” Yeosang tucks his fingers one by one, counting the passing years since their time together. “5 years? Since the 7th year curse?”

“Probably.” They fall in an awkward silence, which is not new to them but this time, all the discomfort that wasn't present before shows their claws. “I haven't seen any of you since.”

Yeosang looks a bit taken aback but given his usual poker face, it doesn't really show.

Their silence is broken by Jongho’s phone and he opens his messenger app. It’s his manager. He leaves a bunch of messages an begs him to pick up the phone. But Jongho steals a glance and he meets eyes with a familiar pair of stoic ones. He guesses work can wait.

“Work?”

“Yeah. But it isn't that urgent.” Jongho coughes off a worry. The shop doesn't seem so busy and it’s almost eight at night. “Wanna keep up with old time?” He curses his spontaneity and Yeosang’s hesitant little nod.

\----

“ _Wooyoung-ie hyung is out a lot lately. Do you know where he went?”_

_A_ _potato chip bag stares at Jongho blatantly two timing it with prawn crackers._

_“Last time I checked it’s none of my business. Do you need something from him?”_

_“Nah. It just seems like you're my only roommate, hyung. S’not that I mind. I can definitely appreciate the peace.”_

_“You’re saying that rooming with Wooyoung is exhausting?”_

_“Kinda. I can even hear him from Yunho-hyung’s room right now.”_

_Yeosang didn't say anything back, just tinkering away with the high frquency buzzing drone that sounded more and more like white sound for Jongho. Sometimes they helped him with sleep even. Really, Jongho didn't mind Yeosang at all. From his hobby, the way he sounded, the way he looked, the way he presented himself, the things he did, all of him was tolerable._

_His other pseudo roommate though, a whole different entity._

_“Don’t you think he spends more time in Yunho-hyung’s room than ours?”_

_“Probably. And by the way your cracking your chips is kinda annoying too.”_

_Jongho just cackled and exaggerated his munching further along with the deepening gorges on his hyung’s forehead. Yeosang was more than tolerable._

_Way much more._

\----

“Nice car.”

It’s a bit of a stretch to say that it’s the only thing Yeosang has said since they got into Jongho’s self driving Tesla. Yeosang is always a man of few words and Jongho is perfectly aware of that. Even fans thought that way too while the on-screen Yeosang was actually three times more talkative than the off screen him that Jongho had gotten used to.

Yeosang also said things about his pick up truck he drives today for delivery and it’s not by anyway a transportation mode preferable to accommodate the nation’s best soloist.

“It’s convenient. And ever since the autonomous driving technology had matured, a lot of agencies gave their artist one of these to minimize human labor and their errors.”

“Yeah but a Tesla Z 33? Only for people in Choi Jongho caliber I guess.”

A heavy silence falls on Jongho’s end as if mocking his failed attempts in making a conversation that isn't supposed to make him sounds like a dick. Apparently he does sound like one.

“Don’t say it like that, hyung.”

That’s literally the entirety of their conversation before the monitor beeps and they stop perfectly parked in a huge parking lot of the biggest karaoke center in the city. Jongho would like to revise his vision on the new technology. Minus one star for too much focus to give to the other passenger when he just wants to dig a hole and bury himself along with his wealth with him.

Every celebrity has love-hate relationship with their fame and Jongho is not excluded. In his case, he might even call the police on his toxic relationship with his prestige. He doesn't want it. Fame and success are superficial and the way his career soars while his brothers are left in the ditch only confirms the validity of that theory.

Sometimes people don't have a choice, but Jongho did. He just messed up big time that he ultimately didn't.

“VVIP room number 3. The 4th floor, third door from the elevator. And can I get a photo with you please?”

A young man from the registry hands them a sleek acrylic board with “VVIP 3” grafted on it. At this point, Yeosang doesn't even flinch. He’s already past the shock therapy of his former bandmate getting all the spotlight he is entitled to while he’s on the background, standing as a bitter reminder that consequences do exist. The young man seems happy and Yeosang tries not to get attached too deep to the memory that he was once in Jongho’s shoes too.

They open the door to a VVIP room and order some expensive ass alcohol because even if Jongho wants to tone down his social status, discounting treats that his hyung deserves is not the way to go.

“It’s been a while since I went to karaoke.” Yeosang squeakes. “What should we pick?”

Jongho beats Yeosang in scrolling down the endless list of songs, leaving the later busy creating an avatar as their hologram companion.

The room is spacious, with chamfered marble edges. An ivory themed leather cushion is laid in front of a 55 inch organic LED monitor connected to a whole complex of electrical appliances. The karaoke machine, a high definition web cam, the latest Play Station, a mysterious square box that Jongho has bad impression on, a second monitor, and an old DVD player in case of some rich ancient dwellers decide to push in the almost extinct disk for some sorry entertainment.

On the right side of the room, a complete drink bar stands side by side with a snack vending machine. Just a shy inches from the snack heaven, a nude colored door with “toilet” symbol blends almost completely to it’s surrounding. It’s a toilet with small shower room attached. Whatever their main objection is, it’s still too grand to be a part of a karaoke booth.

The room can shelter up to 20 homeless people to have a decent life for a week. And here they are. A Choi Jongho and a Kang Yeosang, awkwardly fiddling with the high tech entertainment system in their respective hands.

\----

“I hope this satisfy you.” Yeosang chirps.

_“I’m going to accompany you today. Let's party!”_

Jongho almost jumps when an opaque hologram bounces towards his direction. Usually people go with basic hologram companion. A pretty lady with customizable hair style and color, or a handsome lad with different style set. But the one standing in front of him is a smiley little boy, a bit plump with white shirt and equally white shorts. His hair is colored yellow and there’s a flower shaped halo adorning the top of his head.

“Wow. Hehetmon comes to life?”

Jongho marvels and honestly Yeosang is a bit taken aback that the superstar remembers some no name character made more than a decade ago by his no name hyung.

“Once the hologram was available for avatars, the first thing I want to bring to life was of course Hehetmon. I just hope they cut off with the hyper realistic endeavor and let us go fully 2D.”

A small chuckle vibrates through the speakers. An acoustic melody closely follows. It’s a popular ballad. Yeosang can pretty much follow the chorus without knowing the song title or the singer, but he refrain from butchering the song while Jongho holds the microphone.

Playing football with Zenadine Zidane, no, more like boxing with Mike Tyson. If Yeosang could confess, that might be how he feels to sing along with Choi Jongho. Yeosang is not by any mean bad at singing. He is well above average but even from his idol days, being Jongho’s bandmate puts his confidence on his vocal in jeopardy. And he’s sure that the same applies to the vast majority of people from the entertainment industry.

Jongho’s insane vocal was Ateez’s backbone. Along with Mingi’s rap and Hongjoong’s existence, they were what really define the group. To non fan, these three guys might be what Ateez was all about. Yeosang could at least recognize that public sentiment even though they were successful enough that the company planned to renew their contract until that fateful incident happened.

They were a group juniors looked up to and it wasn't for a trend of following super popular group because they weren't. They didn't have explosive number of fan or any sudden one hit wonder. They slowly build their fame, honing up the quality they were passionate about, which was music and theatrical performances, and gained a lot of respect from showbiz insiders. They were regarded as one of the highest paying performers despite their mediocre popularity in the general public’s eyes because they knew their worth and business insiders acknowledged it too. They were one of a few idol groups that were invited to raise a music show’s quality instead of popularity. For a while, gossips about their arrogance spreaded, but it slowly subdued after KQ finally debuted a junior group.

They were considered God level performers once and now they are singing awkwardly beside each other along with an opaque replica of a humanoid hehetmon.

“How is your relationship with Denise? Seems like Dispatch isn't so nice with you guys anymore.”

After a few nostalgic songs, Yeosang finally breaks the ice. He will be lying if he says he keeps up with celebrity gossip, really, he doesn't give a shit, even from back then. But whenever the couple made a headlines, he couldn't keep his fingers from clicking. He does have all the time in the world right now but he isn't sure if Jongho has it. So while this huge coincidence may never happen again, he might as well hear things from Jongho himself rather than speculating.

“It’s almost our 5th anniversary.” Jongho sighs while putting his mic down. A silent curse is present for the way the oblivious hehetmon prances around under the influence of an old EDM playing from the machine but Yeosang is still thankful because to be honest he may not be able to handle any kind of answer coming out of his younger brother without a stupid distraction.

Jongho is still someone he cares about so freaking much it hurts. Jongho was strong, ambitious, calm, professional, true to his words, and sincere. He still is, but with more layers of denial and repentance than necessary. It hurts seeing him torturing himself with regret they could obviously avoid. The public may see him as a successful artist with steady career but Yeosang can see the grief lurking under that hooded warm eyes.

“I figured as much.”

Jongho dated Denise right after the incident. Some people said it’s a publicity stunt, a poor attempt to overshadow the huge scandal coming their way. Some other didn't care. But Yeosang knew it was completely something else. That time, Jongho needed an anchor that none of them as friends, colleagues, bandmates, and brothers, could provide.

Public only started to take them seriously after the couple debuted as soloists, reached massive success, but still being the sweet and respectful couple that they once were. And then suddenly they were the epitome of real love between celebrity couple. Yeosang was happy for them. And Yeosang cried a bit at night.

“The affair. Such stupid thing. I was just getting a coffee with one of my colleague who happened to be a female.”

“Is Denise aware of this misunderstanding?”

“Oh, more than just aware. I'm also aware that she’s been in a close contact with her old pal from high school. Closer than she had ever been with anyone.”

Yeosang can hear something sipping off Jongho’s tone. Something akin to a disappointment that’s not unexpected.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jongho.”

“Nah. You don't have to. To be honest, we kinda mutually stepped back bit by bit. We were in the lowest point of our relationship after our engagement and we just silently decided that it isn't worth fighting for. The mental burden was just too much.”

Yeosang glances at the way Jongho rolls the silver ring around his ring finger, reminding him that not so long ago, he took a day leave from his toy shop to stay at his room and mope after seeing the news. He feels bad.

“I.. Maybe I understand. It’s just something you can't really explain. The lost of connection.”

“You explain it really well, hyung.”

It is the first time since the car ride that they look at each other. Yeosang is sitting upright, head slightly tilted to be able to see Jongho better. To see the stale exhaust lingering on those eyes like it's even sick of being there for such a long time. Jongho has matured way too much, physically and mentally, and it squeezes Yeosang’s heart that a huge part of it involves the misery which he took part in. But it’s over. And it’s done. And nothing Yeosang does could ever atone for things that had happened to both of them. Yeosang can only deduce that Jongho isn't talking about Denise at all. Maybe at face value. But his eyes are completely into something else. Something that was wrecked so majorly by the lost of connection.

The playlist is still playing and hehetmon is still happy and plump. As plump as the building pressure that raises on their throats. Yeosang doesn't know the exact reason why his hand advances to reach Jongho’s hunched shoulders. He then gives an awkward pat because he is awkward and physical consolation is never his thing. If this isn't the first ever time Yeosang has seen Jongho sheds tears that aren't happy tears when they earned their musical achievements, he wouldn't be there pulling him even tighter and ruffling the awfully familiar hazelnut hair like his life depends on it because Yeosang too is on the verge of tears. He doubts his half hearted action soothes anything but it’ll be great if it does.

\----

_“So you're telling me that all of you knows? And no one told me because of what? I'm a fucking baby who wouldn't be able to handle Sani-hyung and Wooyoung-hyung screwing each other? Screwing all of us?”_

_The dorm was normally cold in the winter but no amount of heating could melt the rock hard anxiety budding within the team._

_Jongho might be the maknae but he was well past the age where people realized that the only thing that could keep them sane was tolerance because the world was full of shit and fucking far from ideal. Jongho had learned to tolerate the absurd perfection fans demanded them to be, to tolerate the harrassment from workload and people from the other side, to tolerate the loneliness of having to stay alone because, fans forbade, a girlfriend came with more cons than pros._

_And then a scandal broke about San and Wooyoung’s romance and Jongho had to find out first from a fan forum. What made him even more furious was that when the company called them right after the news broke, all of them seemed to be aware. No one was at least half as flabbergasted as Jongho was. The CEO then made it clear that the problem was so serious it might affect the newly re-signed contract._

_They all came back to the dorm losing appetite._

_“Jongho-yah. Can we talk about this later? I'm so tired.” There seemed to be only truth in Hongjoong’s voice. The leader was at the meeting room first when the rest of them arrived, looking like a tattered punching bag beside their wild eyed CEO who was clearly using him as a warming up ragdoll. But that didn't make Jongho’s fury any less raging._

_“Yes of course. What importance does my opinion hold in this group anyway.” Scoffs the youngest, voice poisonous._

_San and Wooyoung looked like they have a thousand prepared answers but nothing seemed to come out. Not in front of their clearly disturbed maknae who never once lost his cool should push came to shove. Not until that day._

_“No. Don't say it like that. We are all stressed, Jongho. It’ll be better if we cool our heads down and talk about this tomorrow.” Seonghwa came to put cold towel on Jongho’s steaming head._

_“At least you know, hyung. At least they trust you enough as a bandmate. Hell, they trust you all except for me. What’s the point of me staying then?” A satire laugh escaped Jongho’s nostrils._

_“CHOI JONGHO! TAKE THAT BACK!!” All seven of them jumped from the unbelievably loud screech coming out of their leader’s mouth. He was a second away from punching Jongho straight on the face when Seonghwa lunged forward to restrain him. Yes Hongjoong was strict, he liked to nag, he scolded people for hanging out when he was working at the living room. But he never lose control. Kim Hongjoong was a man of control so the red hot rage on his face said too fucking much even Jongho’s legs started to shake._

_“IF YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT 8 MAKES 1 TEAM MEANS YOU WOULD NEVER SAID THAT WITH A SMILE! IF ANY OF YOU IDIOTS THINKS THAT IT’S OKAY TO SHIT ON OUR SLOGAN, GO HOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND DON'T COME BACK! I DON'T CARE!!” Hongjoong stomped angrily out of their door in his thin ass sweater. Seonghwa cussed something inaudible because Jongho’s ears were still ringing from Hongjoong’s sudden confrontation. The oldest soon grabbed his and Hongjoong’s coat from the hanger and rushed outside the door too._

_Jongho didn't know it would come to this. But his ego and pride was ravaged so fucking badly by the fact that no one came to him. Him. Who should have been one of the “main” in Ateez who apparently held no value as an individual, as a friend._

_Wooyoung was crying in San’s hand. Mingi sat on the corner of the room biting his nails as his anxiety disorder seemed to strike again, pretty badly this time he looked so pathetic. For some reason Yunho just stayed quiet, washing his face in cold water from the kitchen’s water tap. Maybe Jongho painfully needed a cold shower himsef. And then there was Yeosang who stood pretty in the middle of the room like he usually did._

_Shortly after, it finally occurred to Jongho that maybe Hongjoong had a point. Maybe he should get away because he was fucking serious about music and deep down he didn't want to be in a half assed idol group that no one took seriously. Jongho had sacrificed everything for his dream to become a singer, to have a main career in music. But these foolishly selfish people couldn't keep their hands to themselves and now HE had to pay the price?_

_It wasn't fair._

_Jongho stormed to his own room to push his belongings into the biggest suitcase he owned. The rest could follow after. He booked the earliest train to his hometown and was ready to go when someone finally said something to him._

_“Jongho-yah. Don't go.”_

_“Hyung.”_

_Yeosang’s voice was deep and soothing and was criminally underappreciated. But even with those limited syllables, he almost managed to assure Jongho to push the cancel button._

_“Lets think this over. Okay? I don't want you to go.” Yeosang closed the door behind him._

_“It’s me, or them. I've decided.”_

_“Jongho please don't be selfish. We might still fix this. Manager hyung said that he has already in contact with the investigation bureau and if they manage to straighten things up, we may not have to disband.”_

_A stubborn choke seemed to strangle Jongho’s throat because everytime he tried to breathe normally, only this weird sounding whimper came out._

_“Me? I'm selfish? I'm not the one who shoved their tongues into each other’s throat in front of a Dispatch wannabe and I’m the one who’s selfish?”_

_“Everyone is selfish, Jongho. Wooyoung and San are selfish, you're selfish, I'm selfish. But what I'm saying is that us being selfish in this crisis now won't solve anything.”_

_“Okay then you choose, hyung. Me or them? How selfish are you?”_

_“Don’t do this to me, Jongho, please.”_

_“Me or them?”_

_“You know Wooyoung got into this company so him and I could debut together. If he has to go then I can't stay.”_

_“There. So we have the major consensus. I’ll go.”_

\----

“I was so fucking stupid, hyung.” Jongho starts low with silent sobs. “How.. could I do that to them? Jerk! I was a fucking jerk! I don't deserve this success!” he manages to speak without fully opening his mouth since he’s too busy biting his lower lip to suppress the broken dam.

“It was.. You’re not innocent. But we were so young and stupid. We all were to blame.” Yeosang squeaks small.

“No you didn't do anything wrong, hyung.”

“But I didn't do anything right either. I did exactly nothing while I could totally make things right if only I wasn't so gutless.”

Jongho lets his old melancholy encircles him, finally doing so after years of internal rejection in hope to stay strong. Yeosang’s body heat and drumming heartbeat being the fragile string of anchor barely helps him getting by. But Jongho won't take things for granted anymore. He completely leans on his hyung for support because if there’s something he could blame his past self for is his own hypocrisy. He wanted his members to depend on him but he never depnded on them either.

They spend three whole karaoke songs in silence. The only apparent movements being the constant caresses Yeosang’s hand makes over Jongho’s hair, and hehetmon’s dancing because they are too busy being melancholic to pause the automatic hologram companion.

“Jongho-yah. Have you heard the real reason why we disbanded?”

Yeosang finally says after the hiccups subdued and gets a weak shake from the head on his neck.

“I tried my best not to.”

“After you went back home, we sat in the meeting room for like, the whole week. Us, the manager hyungs, production team, sometime the executives. We had like a hundred scenarios mapped out but none of it worked out. You decided to go. San and Wooyoung couldn't stay. KQ offered Hongjoong and Mingi artists contracts, no more idol contracts. And Yunho got a spot in the acting department. But none of them took it.” Yeosang combs his dark hair and lets out a sigh.

That gains Jongho’s attention, now completely pulling out from his hyung with a huge disbelief on his face.

“I thought they cut all of your contracts. Why didn't they take it? And how about you and Seonghwa-hyung?”

“We just.. Didn't make the count, I guess? Haha.” Yeosang chuckles bitterly. “And that was because Hongjoong said 8 makes 1 team. If one of us go, none of us could stay. I'm sorry you have to hear it a lot.”

Now Jongho just smashes his back on the soft leather couch because that’s literally all he can do for now. Just thinking about this empty resolution that was once being their foundation, guided them through success, and then lead them nowhere. Just a stupid idealism that was so fragile and easily crushed by the ginormous pressure called “the real world”. Now that they had woken up from the illusion, there’s no wonderland nor ocean blue waves waiting for them. Just the constant bills to pay and public to please, either as a celebrity or no celebrity.

“You guys were so stupid.” The singer slaps his own face as hard as he can without damaging the assets.

“Weren’t we? But just so you know, it wasn't your fault at all. The CEO wouldn't let Wooyoung and San to stay so the disbandment was inevitable even if you chose to stay. But to be honest I doubt KQ could handle you better than your current agency so I don't think you missed anything. We also agreed to not tell you should you ask.”

“So why do you tell me all of these?”

“Back then we didn't want to hold you back. You had such a brilliant career ahead of you. You’re different from the very start, Jongho. You were destined to be a star, on your own. You have every quality to be the artist that you are now, OST God Jongho.”

Jongho hisses, his every cell churning at the title he thinks he doesn't deserve.

“I may have the quality to be a star. But I'm a shit human being. I couldn't honor our motto. I left. I only made the situation worse. I don't have the quality to be a decent human being.”

Now that there's no perfect alabaster skin warm against his own, Jongho is up in arms attacking his knees to calm himself down.

“Don’t we all?” Yeosang treads his fingers lightly on the buttons of their remote control. They fall into silence once again before he continues. At this point, the room is eerily quiet. The requested playlist has come to an end and their holographic companion just stays still on it's place. “Wooyoung and San were the shits that caused all of this. The hyungs were bigger shits for cornering them. Yunho and Mingi were cowardly shits who said nothing while having fun themselves.”

“Wait what? Yunho-hyung and Mingi-hyung??” Jongho cracks his voice badly. But the best thing about this wholehearted sharing session is that it is so brutal Jongho’s sanity has been broken beyond repair that he thinks he can accept anything coming his way.

“Jongho-yah. Everyone in the entertainment industry is a little gay. Don't come and tell me you didn't find at least one male idol beautiful.”

“Yeah. You're beautiful. Ahem. I thought it’s just a phase.”

To everyone’s content, positivity starts to flourish here and there once they are over their peak devastation. People are not joking when they say the only thing that can fix tragedy is time. Because even if they're in the middle of blatantly discussing the most catastrophic event of their life, the way Yeosang fidgets around while his lips do that weird pout trying to suppress the smile that's undoubtedly coming on their way is so making Jongho’s stomach warm and fuzzy.

“Thank you hyung. This may not be right but I do feel a little bit better knowing we were all in the same shoe. It's just, I’m, you know, glad knowing we are just little shits ensembled into a bigger one. We all are imperfect and I guess that makes us human?”

“Right. The real world is the biggest shit out there and we can't stay being the impossibly perfect little idols all the time. I'm happy with my life now. You should too. And maybe sometimes we can have coffee together again. All of us.”

Yeosang is giggling and wears a smile on his face but his perfectly sloped nose is red and his clear, sharp eyes too are misty with tears of relief. Jongho has no choice but to come closer and takes his hyung into his arms, completely transposing their previous situation.

“Hyung, I think I owe the biggest apology to you. You’re the only one who told me not to go. I don't want you to think that you failed to bring me back. I really really understand what Wooyoung-hyung means to you and I respect that a lot. I'm sorry that I didn't have a heart big enough to go back to you guys earlier but yeah, let's get some coffee next time.”

Jongho smiles earnestly this time, with Yeosang slotted on him perfectly as if he’s destined to be there, to rely on Jongho because Jongho is more than willing to rely on him now. Yeosang is not foaming on his mouth, wailing in frustration like Jongho did. Just circling his hands tightly around the younger and lets his silent tears wet the expensive fabric that feels good on his cheek while humming over and over again with his broken voice.

“I’m sorry Jongho-yah. I’m sorry. I was not a good enough hyung. I’m sorry. I'm sorry.”

Kang Yeosang is still the kindest and the most beautiful human being Jongho has ever known.

\----

“And that one stupid ass insect glaive user that messed up with our Kulve Taroth hunt was Seonghwa-hyung, not Mingi.”

“Fuck I knew it! Mingi-hyung had beef with insect glaives! I knew it wasn't him!”

Jongho revokes his one star review on autonomous driving technology. It’s nice not having to focus 100% on the street. He can peek and enjoy his hyung’s beautiful smile longer.

The ride home feels warm. They spend the whole time reminiscing the old time with some little update Yeosang gives Jongho about his hyungs’ wellbeing. Some are holding on okay, some aren't, and Jongho is feeling depressed again. If he could, he would share his fame and success to his hyungs but that’s just not how the world works. The world is too keen on keeping the wealthy wealthier and the poor poorer.

“Thanks, for driving me home, Jongho. I hope those ‘next time’s aren't just lip services.”

The car has parked perfectly in front of Yeosang’s house. It's a nice neighborhood with wide road and the houses, albeit not really spacious, hold medium sized garden one can only see in city outskirts because land prices for those useless area can choke a man in big cities like Seoul. It’s less understandable for Jongho why a man like Yeosang chose to live outside the city, have a house with garden and own a toy store. He can definitely see Yeosang in a condo somewhere in downtown Seoul modeling for some high end brand but knowing the man better, this lifestyle kinda suits him more.

“I really hope so.”

There’s this curious magnetic field between the two men because really, Yeosang should've gone out of the car but he’s just sitting there pretty, almost as if he still has something to say but has no guts to. So Jongho decides that he’s gonna be the one who breaks the suffocating silence.

“Hyung, now that you said it. I'm curious. Is there anyone in our idol life who.. You know, asked you out?” The younger taps his fingers lightly on the almost useless steering wheel.

“There were.” Yeosang said shortly.

“Males? Females? Do I know them?”

“Both. And yes you do.”

Silence once again hangs loosely on the atmosphere, mocking their attempt to not be a pair of awkward dumbasses. Now that Jongho has the answer he isn't really sure what to do with it. Of course there were. He’s Kang Yeosang for god’s sake. Who wouldn't??

“But I wasn't very sexual, Jongho-yah. I didn't think any intimate relationship was worth the trouble.”

“So you’ve never...” Jongho throws his hyung a reluctant glance.

“No. Never.”

And for some reason he sighs. Jongho doesn't have to pretend he doesn't care what Yeosang thinks of him anymore. He had laid himself emotionally bare in front of the man and he's just glad someone actually respected the unspoken rule of the idol world and refrained from destroying each other’s career. He doesn't, by any means, looking down on people who were playing with fire because at some point, everyone did. He knew about Mingi’s suicidal thoughts and Seonghwa’s alcohol problem. He knew that in more than one occasion Hongjoong came home late looking too content and smelling like stale piss. He knew Yunho hung out with his cast mates more than necessary. And of course San and Wooyoung had different ideas on what having fun was all about. Jongho was not stupid. Really, being an idol was all rainbows and butterflies only if rainbows shoot poisonous arrows and butterflies are cow sized with fangs and claws. He remembers laying down in his dorm room, thinking the band would disband when the team had taken a huge toll after their fourth anniversary. He remembers the wheezing drone glid all the way to his bunk and attached was his favorite chocolate chip cookie with a writing:

_“Sleep. Tomorrow we’ll sort things out.”_

Jongho is still not over the reminiscent of his dark idol days when he felt soft fingers palpating along the side of his face. They are so gentle Jongho forgets the last time someone treated him with such care as if he were made of glass instead of everything strong and solid. Without any hesitation, he reaches towards those feather touches, bringing them forward to plant instinctive pecks on those bony fingers.

“But I'm not unguilty either.”

Jongho feels goosebumps spread all over his neck as Yeosang’s low voice vibrates closer and closer until their breaths overlap. Whatever he means by denying his innocence goes over Jongho’s conscience and against his better judgement as those luscious lips land on his own.

Jongho knows really well how shy Yeosang was, is, but there were also times where his persistence peeked out, sometimes at the right time, sometimes not. The one thing he knows, is that Yeosang always has a reason for his every action. Jongho bussies his thought by eliminating those reasons one by one because he doesn't need any reason to reciprocate Yeosang’s light kisses.

He doesn't need reasons. The only thing Jongho needs is Yeosang, the least bitter piece of his past who screams his significance in his old group. He keeps clinging on Yeosang’s lingering words in his heated mind, that maybe everyone is a little gay. But he doesn't care if he is or he’s not. He cares about how the lack of hand brake lever on the middle panel enables him to pull Yeosang closer. He cares about Yeosang not giving any resistance to any moves Jongho brings about to deepen their current physical attachment.

They move fluidly against each other, as fluid as two awkward old friends who just realized how stupid it was to spend the last 5 years in silence. Jongho keeps his hand steady on Yeosang’s nape, pulling him back in everytime he pulls out for a breath of fresh air. Jongho almost can't get over why he’s so possessive. He’s always the one to take it slow in each of his relationship. He is not the biggest fan of skinship either, but he doesn't want to let Yeosang go. To hell with keeping things platonic as light kisses morph into open mouthed ones with lots of moaning. Great for them because this specific Tesla model is built with safety and privacy on top of everything, but Jongho is starting to not really care. This can be his expensive ass luxury car or Yeosang’s delivery truck, he will still shove his tongue down his hyung’s sweet throat.

After what seems like a second of eternity, they finally let each other free. Jongho lets Yeosang catches his stolen breath back while resting his forehead against Yeosang’s.

“Hyung..” He catches his own breath. “Stay with me.”

The silence is killing him. Of course he doesn't expect Yeosang to give him a yes without a second thought. They have been through too much shit for this to end just like Jongho wants it to.

“No. Jongho-yah.”

He knows what’s coming but he can't help pushing things to the limit this time.

“Why? We’re going break our engagement in the near future. Me and Denise are beyond saving. Just.. Stay with me please hyung.”

At this point, Jongho holds Yeosang’s hands so tight they might break like those thousands of apples he broke during his promotion days. Jongho blames his sudden possession.

“No. Being a singer is your dream. I can't take it away from you.”

Jongho grumbles, cursing that this hyung is still selfless as fuck.

“I don't need this play pretend anymore. If people won't accept the person I choose to be with, I don't want them in my life. I'm over this superficial recognition shit in showbiz. I'm done.”

He’s not lying. Jongho has been thinking about quitting the entertainment industry for quite sometime. He has earn enough from his music. With a proper investment plan he can survive well while doing music as a side job. It's not only about Yeosang.

Yeosang.

His hyung who is looking at him with slightly watery eyes and unreadable expression. Yes, Yeosang might have a poker face but he’s an open book. People can easily know his feelings if they are observant enough. But this Yeosang is unreadable. No matter how hard Jongho squints his eyes, Yeosang’s face is unwavering.

“Jongho-yah. You know how selfish I am. It's not just about you.”

This is the time where Jongho thinks the world betrays him for the second time. Just when he is so ready to accept his present, his past, and his silent obsession, Yeosang’s porch light twinkles on. He can see clearly from his side of the road how the wooden door opens slowly, small footsteps of a toddler marching through the well maintained lawn. Not far behind, a pretty lady waives her hand to the boy, signaling him not to stray away too far as she puts away a container to the back of her garage.

Jongho feels his throat dries up. The little boy bears too much resemblance with the man in front of him. Especially those eyes. Those captivating eyes that are looking at Jongho like he’s the most precious thing ever, that might also be a lie now.

Fuck. How the thought that Yeosang might have a healthy love life on his own could slip from Jongho’s mind? That Yeosang might have a decent job and family and is away from the manipulative world of entertainment industry to have a perfectly decent life in the countryside?

A sad laugh escapes Jongho’s mouth. A sad, sad laugh mainly shitting on his sad, sad life.

“Kang Taehyun, 2 years old.”

Jongho’s laugh is getting louder, covering the red radiating his whole body from embarrassment and pity. It’s a dead end.

“Your win. Hyung. I’ll see what I can do.”

Jongho says, voice trembling pathetically. He really wants to keep those warmth beside him, to lock the door and hit the road and never come back. But he has little to no bargaining position left so he lets Yeosang slips out of the door and spares no glance because that’ll be fatal to his weak attempt in pressing his tears back.

He drives away. Fast. As fast as his autonomous system can get him away.

He pushes on whatever button on his touch screen panel to stop that annoying vibration on his phone. His manager leaves no second to waste to smash through Jongho’s ears.

“Jongho-yah! Pick up your phone! The interview schedule is moved to tomorrow morning! I've been contacting the PDs but they don't have any other schedule available.”

“Okay, okay. I'll go back right now.”

It is not like he has anything left to do in this God forsaken city.

“Good. Just be careful on your way here.”

“Got it.”

“And by the way a Kim Hongjoong contacted me. He wanted to talk with you.”

\----

“Yeosang-ie!”

“I’m home, Taehyun-ah.”

The little feet dance around Yeosang merrily. Yeosang loves this little dude hanging on him and he always gives him a helicopter ride whenever they have a wide enough space to not knock anything down in the process.

“Welcome home, Yeosang-ie.” The woman in pastel pyjamas greets him.

“I’m home, noona.” He says flatly.

“Taehyun-ah, come here.” Says a baritone voice from inside the house. Yeosang gets out of the way as Taehyun stumbles to get to his father.

“Hey, what’s wrong little brother? You don't look good.”

“Nothing. I'm just tired. I'm sorry.” Yeosang pinches the corner of his reddening eyes with his fingers because yes he just brushed off the man his heart longed for for the longest time with a blatant lie. But Yeosang was selfish and he still is. His top priority is still the man sparkling so bright with his world class talent and ambition for music. The man who is so in his zone Yeosang had no choice but to admire from the sidelines. He is not going to be the one persistent pebble that gets on Jongho’s way and trips him. He will be one of those pebbles on either side of the road to make a path for the star to pass through. Yeosang is always selfish like that.

“Just come in. We have food ready. By the way, Seonghwa came today. He said he has something important to discuss.”

“What?!”

~Continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I know Jongho should've known Yeosang’s sister but please close your eyes for the sake of the story okay.. We can assume that his sister was away for post graduate study in England or something. Thanks a lot!
> 
> So how was it? This is my first time writing an angst heavy Ateez fic so please give me some love and talk to me in the comment section 😘


	2. Yunho and Mingi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda make this a happy birthday Yunho my honey bunny sugar pumpkin gumdrop I'm sorry I made you an asshole in this fic. But trust me it's all because of love. 
> 
> Jeong Yunho. Thank you for being my alleged bias of biases when I have 8 solid biases. I hope all the best for you.
> 
> So here. Some Yungi goodness to warm your day!

_Yunho was 15 when he first met Mingi at the dance academy. He was already tall back then. His puppy nose was bigger than proportionally acceptable but the rest of his face was decent. He made it up with character and skill, playful and goofy and a trophy group mate people fought for everytime their dance teacher gave them group assignments._

_Mingi was meek and lanky. He was not nearly as tall as Yunho but he appeared shorter thanks to his bad posture. He also wore glasses and had a bad case of acne. Not a surprise that he wasn't the girls’ favorite._

_Yunho caught people asking the poor boy whether he’s sure he wanted to be in the entertainment industry as if he wasn't up to the standard. But Yunho was young and stupid and at some point he asked Mingi the same question too just because his friends did so. The herd mentality hit Yunho like it hit each and every single teenager who thought being friends with the cool guys was cool._

_“Yeah. Of course. I wouldn't be here if I don't want to.”_

_Mingi’s words were tough, almost mocking even. And maybe that was the sole reason why he wasn't being the social punching bag for these puberty ridden juveniles with identity crisis._

\----

_Another trainee came. Yunho spent the whole night betting with Hongjoong just how long this one would last._

_He was a bit taken aback when the said newbie towered a little above him. His toned chest heaved confidently, supporting a purple-orange bomber jacket and swept back black hair. What came to Yunho’s mind was that this guy would definitely bore the “manly man” image for the group. Tall, strong jawed, sharp eyed, and deep baritone voiced._

_The way Hongjoong’s brows cutely curled in annoyance made Yunho lost his cool and send him cackling to the ground. When the three of them posed, they’d be looking like a walking fortified milk advertisement._

_“Nice to meet you. My name is Song Mingi.”_

_Yunho thought he had heard about a Song Mingi before but he had to crack his brain briefly to match the intimidating look in front of him and the Song Mingi he knew that was awkward, sheepish, and needed to go to a dermatologist fast. It was embarrassing to admit that it took him 5 whole minutes to realize that they were indeed, the same person. This charismatic lad over here was apparently the same guy with the one Yunho, after maturing since his academy days he finally admitted, had subconsciously bullied._

_“I know you! We’re in the academy together! I'm Jeong Yunho!”_

_“Ah! Yes I know you.”_

_It’s a sin not to know Jeong Yunho. Yunho didn't want to brag but everyone knew him, Yunho, the instructor’s pet and the class’ darling. His appearance didn't change that much too except for how nicely the rest of his face maturing to keep up with the size of his nose. So it was either Song Mingi having really bad memory or he said that to not make things awkward and maybe while plotting to put a cockroach in Yunho’s training pants for payback._

\----

_One dimensional was the farthest thing in Yunho’s mind if he was asked to describe a Song Mingi._

_There were a freaking lot of sides to him._

_Yunho was always bright, cheerful when he’s around people. A people’s pleaser one might say. And then he hid under the safety of his blanket and video games when no one was around. He guessed that was the closest thing to how “one dimensional” a person could be. He was confident to say that personality wise, he was severely inferior compared to Song Mingi._

_“Why did you bully me, Yunho-ssi?”_

_Yunho almost choked his jajangmyeon up his throat again and he was sure Hongjoong did too. The horror ridden oldest just shook his head reciting the mantra._

_“No, no, no, Yunho’s a nice guy, he isn't a bully. No way.”_

_But he was surely under no illusion that the gentlest looking person couldn't be a serial murderer. Hongjoong said that mainly because Yunho was the first friend he made that just tiptoed the title “colleague and rival” recently. It was a self hypnosis to keep his friend a bit longer, until debut if he was lucky._

_“I’m sorry.. I guess. I really don't have any reason rather than me being stupid and insecure.”_

_That at least Yunho knew when to stop being a jerk and admit his wrongdoings no matter how small. He had sworn he would own every fault he had before deciding to be an idol. There were too many celebrities went down for personality problem. Yunho was not crazy talented nor had any prestige in showbiz. He just came from Gwangju because his dance teacher recommended him to try a career in dancing. Being an idol was his sole stretched interpretation. So if he couldn't be an exceptional artist, at least he wanted to be a good human being._

_As if out of character, the new guy bursted out laughing. Specks of black sauce splattered around his mouth._

_“I was gonna smack a dude if you deny your bullying.”_

_Mingi said, mouth full of chopped off noodles and whatnot._

_“Excuse me. What did he do to you? This might be important for our further action. We have no room for bullies.”_

_The half eaten jajangmyeon stared at how Hongjoong was caught between the two giants like a five years old trapped involuntarily between his quarreling parents._

_“He asked me if I really wanted to be in the entertainment industry.”_

_He said coolly._

_“Huh? That’s all??”_

_“I was short and skeletal and covered in acne. The perception was different even if I would bully myself if I wasn't trapped in that body.”_

_Suddenly the atmosphere got brighter after Mingi shoved his black stained wooden chopsticks up Yunho’s nostrils._

_“OOUCH!! Hyung, what is bullying if the one who claims to be the victim has his chopsticks up my nose?!”_

_He rolled over and swore he would get back to Mingi for the stinging pain in his nose. But Yunho’s still thankful Mingi wasn't there to ruin his not-even-a-career-yet career._

_Maybe they could be good friends._

_\----_

_Mingi had yet again gotten into trouble for his unfiltered vlive and everyone else started to not really be concerned because that's just who he was and fans accepted him well. Except for their managers and marketing team of course._

_“Stop it, Mingi. You’re giving the team headache.”_

_Personal comfort blanket title be damned but it was time to stop. Both of them. The marketing team should let him show their true color and Mingi should stop challenging them. Sooner or later fans would catch up with the persona gap so just laying low was fine if it wasn't necessary. What was the point of screaming his lungs out to “Into The Unknown” if he just ended up denying it?_

_“No. Yunho. I can't.” Yunho shifted on his seat, eyes still fixed on the screen of his Nintendo Switch. He was occupying the swivel chair in Mingi’s solitary room. “Have you ever felt your stomach flipped when you're forced to be someone you’re not?”_

_Now Yunho rarely ever paused his game for anyone because he’s the master of multitasking. But he paused. He had been observing Mingi’s behavior shift lately and sometimes he’s starting to not make any sense._

_“We all feel that way, Mingi. Just wait a bit more, until we have higher standing ground in the industry.” He sighed because everyone was just as tired as Mingi. Him included. Sometimes Yunho couldn't take hearing San agonizing over his parts that he didn't asked._

_Everytime Wooyoung came over to their room, San would break down because he did nothing bad but a lot of people were hating on him for hogging all the lines and spotlight. San was gentle and he had the heart made of gold and everything soft. The latest strike was a compilation video of San’s old jokes taken out of context and haters just queued to shit on him online. Compared to that, Mingi’s problem seemed less harmful because at some point, everyone was forced to be someone they were not. Yunho just wanted Mingi to take that into consideration._

_“Get out. If you don't want to understand, just get out, Yunho.”_

_Yunho would be lying if he said he wasn't shaken at least by a bit when he heard Mingi’s voice cold and full of poison._

_He got out and a door was slammed behind him._

_Why weren't people cooperating Yunho couldn't understand. And this was just their third year from debut._

_\----_

_Mingi was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Not much to Yunho’s surprise. He had seen the signs._

_People in his line of work were understandably prone to this invisible illness. Some mild, some serious, some life threatening. Yunho never imagined one of his closest friend would be dispensed for serious complication._

_But the worst thing about this specific illness was that it’s infectious. People who were mentally strong like Yunho could start thinking the unthinkable after spending times and personal discussions with people who were infected. As such, Mingi. And that made the idol world one gear train of mental malady pandemic._

_With Mingi’s absence and San not having been able to get through the night without Wooyoung cuddling him to sleep, Yunho was bound to search for a safe place elsewhere._

_“Hey earth to Yunho!”_

_The honey voice brought Yunho’s attention back to the unfamiliar beige colored wall. He had been to this room several times but he still couldn't bring himself to be familiar with it. Lean fingers with colorful nail art traced a line in the middle of Yunho’s broad chest._

_“Uh. I'm sorry, what?”_

_“I’m free next Wednesday. Wanna go to the club?”_

_No. Yunho couldn't afford going to public places with his lead actress. He already risked so much just by taking his own car in five layers of clothing and accessories to make sure he didn't get caught parking in the luxurious condo._

_“You know I can't.”_

_He said politely, hand caressing her long wavy hair and ended up squeezing the ample bare skin underneath her silky comforter. Such a huge effort to make and risk to take for a safe place. Yunho begun to contemplate._

_“Hey, how about we go public?”_

_The sparkle in her beautiful eyes were blinding, so much Yunho actually squinted his eyes to tone down her excitement. She was nice and pretty. They sure were physically compatible and Yunho wouldn't lie about his extra need of physical connection and relief. He was a big guy with an even bigger need and the lack of outlet was starting to eat him from inside out. When he said to the members that he was going to hang out with his castmate, they didn't say anything but the looks on their eyes showed that they understood and they didn't give a shit as long as he played it safe. Everybody had it rough. Going public was a big no-no._

_Letting out a long sigh, Yunho leaned to her side and planted a kiss on her forehead because he was a getleman._

_It was time to move on._

_\----_

_Yunho moved on fast. From one girl to another. Actresses, idols, even staffs when things got really bad and he couldn't let the Mingi in his head ate his sanity and left nothing on the table for him._

_“Everyone works hard! Having place as a member doesn't excuse you from handing in shitty work like this!”_

_Yunho didn't have the heart to see his demo CD being snapped in half by his producer. He had spent weeks, months, to come up with a choreography and it literally was shoved down the trash can in the least pleasant way._

_The competition was crazy. Even if people said that the market had saturated, groups were still coming back strong with insane quality. Yunho was pressed from below and above, from left and right, from inside and outside. The company gave him the false freedom to choreograph their newest title track only to slave on him more, the boss didn't accept half hearted attempts, the spartan schedule of the new drama and variety shows, the fans not tolerating any single flaw, the dating scandals, the members shitting on him for being a normal man searching for sexual comfort elsewhere, and the Mingi inside his head who said people cared for their achievements only to laugh the loudest when they hit the ground._

_The voice of Mingi who, before his hiatus, spent his free time holed up in his solitary room, surfing the deepest and darkest part of the web to fulfil his forbidden addiction because he couldn't bring it to his own body. The Mingi who said that his body was no longer his, that it was merely the company’s asset and the manifestation of fans’ unhealthy obsession. The Mingi who said “fuck you all” to the whole filming crew before throwing up and was sent to the hospital earlier this year._

_Yunho was fucking scared because he too, was in the brink of frustration. He wasn't granted the luxury to be able to leash out like Mingi, or to be able to be broken like San, or to be mended by Wooyoung. He wasn't as strong as Yeosang and Jongho. He didn't want alcohol or drugs. He was so fucking alone, small, scared, and had nowhere to hide._

_The dance room that used to have his unconditional love now stared at him in pity. So much for a main dancer who was afraid to step into a dance room._

_Until that day._

_All of the members were resting in their dorm when the automatic lock beeped open. There was no schedule from their managers and Yeosang didn't order anything. But nonetheless, a huge pack of fried chicken still made their appearances, accompanied by that familiar wide grin and impossibly bright eye smile._

_“Mingi!!”_

_The boys hurled themselves on to the flustered, but clearly better shaped Mingi. All except one, who went straight to the bathroom and wept. He wept so hard like a little kid who was so happy his mom finally came back after a short grocery shopping. Seeing Mingi being able to smile like that again just drained all the suffocating smoke inside Yunho’s lungs, allowing him to finally take in the well deserved oxygen. He was so fucking happy and relieved that he couldn't stop himself from crying himself until his tear glands were squeezed dry._

_He’s pathetic. Yunho’s pathetic._

_He understood one thing. Entering the third year of your career meant goodbye euphoric rookie days and welcome pressure and responsibility with a bonus of no going back. That was maybe the reason why the members broke down almost simultaneously like the myth of girls’ synchronized periods if they spent too much time together._

_\----_

_Mingi’s comeback seemed to kick start all the clogged up gears in the group’s dynamic._

_Yunho went inside the practice room again. Seonghwa stopped drinking and Hongjoong went home more frequently. San still needed Wooyoung but all was well. They surely but sure worked in harmony again. Like oil lubricating the rusty gear teeth, Mingi threw his innocent smile to every corner of the room and let magic did their trick._

**_That 8 makes 1 team had never felt more substantial before._ **

_“If you are gonna laze around all day here, you’d better get out, Yunho.”_

_Yunho had heard this before, but this time, no trace of animosity and poison was left. Just feel good annoyance._

_“When you’re away I practically resided here. You can find my underwear stash in the top shelf.”_

_Mingi shoved him away from his lap, screaming in panic, Mingi-style._

_“Yah! Get them fucking away from my room! Yunho-yah! You're fucking disgusting!”_

_Even with the ever so explicit choice of words, Mingi was not intimidating. He only made Yunho’s half baked giggles roasted to crisp._

_“They’re clean!”_

_“But they’re still clinging on your dick for a fucking whole day!”_

_Yunho couldn't argue. He took the stash from Mingi’s shelf, giggling to the fact that he didn't say where he put a surprise stash._

_“But why did you stay here? What happened to your room?”_

_“Sannie has things to work on and Wooyoung is helping him. I have more privacy here.”_

_“Aah. Talking about privacy, how true are your dating scandal’S’?”_

_Mingi emphasized on the plural noun. Yunho sighed._

_“They were spot on. Each one of them. Plus the ones that didn't make it to the pages. I was out of control, Mingi, everyone was.. You were away, and not for a good cause. Somehow it made us all paranoid.”_

_Hearing that, Mingi sat down, patting his thighs, signaling Yunho to claim that spot before he felt too generous and retreated the offer._

_“I'm sorry Yunho. Sorry I took a long time. I should have come earlier. Come here sleep.”_

_Yunho put his head on the set of firm muscle. So different with the soft thighs of women that always smelled floral. But snuggling on Mingi’s thighs squeezed worries out of Yunho’s mind. Is this how San’s feeling when Wooyoung lulled him to sleep?_

_Yunho didn't have to put on a disguise. He didn't have to drive miles while checking his rear view mirror if there was some shady black van tailing him. He didn't have to wait nervously in front of his fling’s front door. He didn't have to struggle with the guilt of risking his team everytime he needed some sort of validation from someone._

_Yunho was safe. And he was home._

_\----_

_Yunho went inside Mingi’s room and slammed the door. His eyes wide, chest heaving, pulse racing, and a million things swarming through his head._

_“Fuck me! What the fuck?!”_

_“Huh? What the fucking fuck?! Dude you run into my room and your first sentence is fuck you??”_

_Yunho couldn't keep himself still. It was dead at night and he was away to choreograph one of Hongjoong’s B-side composition. He came home because his joints started to scream and asked him to stop. He was half asleep as he strode along the dark corridor and silently opened his room door._

_A halucination was the first thing to come into his mind. The second one was his half conscious state. The last one was a dumb prank. But even after scratching his half lidded eyes, what stared back at him were San and Wooyoung’s horror stricken eyes. Yunho was shocked and it wasn't because these two idiots were wearing skin colored pyjamas to mess with him, but because those carefully structured lines of lean muscle everyone was fighting for were blending with each other, dancing as Wooyoung moved himself on top of San in a way that was the furthest thing from platonic cuddles._

_It just came to Yunho’s mind that all those midnight moaning were not Woosan making another drunken 2PM gateway for international fans. How was he so fucking blind (and deaf)? All the time he went over Mingi’s room was because he couldn't take the tension between his two bandmates that subconsciously drove him away for being the third wheel. Why the thought of them involved in an intimate relationship hadn't crossed his mind?_

_“Hey! Dude talk to me. What's wrong?”_

_Mingi slapped him, playfully but hard enough. It caught Yunho’s attention._

_“Wh-what. I. Uh. Nevermind. Let me sleep here tonight. I’ll sleep on the floor, wherever.”_

_Yunho begged, begged for his sanity. He wasn't gonna go back to his room after all that. He needed his sanctuary fast. Because his mind was killing him. Because the fact that the first thing that came to his mind was not how San and Wooyoung’s sexual relationship would threaten the group, but rather how there was another way to fulfil Yunho’s own addiction without jeopardizing everything._

_Yunho was so fucking scared of his own twisted mind that progressed into thinking who he would do it with instead of completely eradicating the horrible idea altogether. It shook Yunho’s fragile stable state more than he could imagine._

_He thought he was fine when Mingi came back because he could continue pretending to be someone else's hero. Yunho was desperate like that. He was desperate to be loved by people. Realization hit him hard on how relieved he was when Mingi showed up, because finally he was needed by someone in a spiritual level. And then he realized that he’s so fucking jealous of San and Wooyoung’s connection thus he kicked himself out of his own room. And that maybe he was expecting something from Mingi in return of his heroic endeavor._

_Yunho was not fine at - fucking - all._

_“Nah. My bed is wide enough. Just sleep here.”_

_Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it._

_\----_

_The understatement of the year came when Mingi’s anxiety knocked on their door. Yunho just couldn't stress how pinned he was everytime his bro came to him, clinging for hours looking for comfort where all Yunho could provide him were reluctant pats and drawn back crotch. Because he couldn't take it anymore._

_Mingi’s complication was mild this time. He went through counseling and was taking his medication well. Yunho’s complication was not. After witnessing Woosan’s action first hand, his libido peaked. It was something new, something challenging, something breathtaking, and Yunho thought he was such a jackass for even thinking about it when his friend was having a meltdown in his arms._

_Even the slightest touch made Yunho felt like a teenager again. Like when Mingi shifted on Yunho’s lap and Yunho slapped his face away._

_“What the fuck dude?”_

_“Ah! No. I'm, I’m sorry Mingi, but can you back off a little? I mean, not backing off backing off, but I'm not really in the mood for touches. Uh. And also don't ‘dude’ me for now? Please?”_

_Yunho was stuttering. Like a stupid, hormone ridden teenager._

_“What’s wrong with you lately Yunho? You seem disturbed.”_

_What a nice adjective. Disturbed. He wished it was that simple._

_“I.. I have my problems too, Mingi-ah.”_

_“Hey, you can tell me, man. You helped me so much. I’ll help you as much as I can.”_

_Mingi sat cross legged in front of Yunho, looking deadass serious. Yunho wanted to run away but at the same time, his traitorous mind saw this as an opening, an opportunity that might not come twice._

_“I...”_

_No he couldn't do it. He shouldn't._

_“I’m...”_

_Fuck, stop it Yunho!_

_“Hey Yunho you’re hard. Don't tell me...” Yunho dropped his head low, so low he thought it would be better if it smashed through the ground and stayed there forever. “A random boner? At this age? Come on, dude.”_

_“Fuck you, Mingi! And don't dude me!”_

_In his puny defense, it wasn't random at all. What could he do if Mingi, a man who was worshipped by people all around the globe, light grinded him mere centimeters from his crotch while his mind was so preoccupied by the sight of two beautiful men dancing naked with each other?_

_“Well, if that’s the case, I can't really help you.”_

_Mingi looking dejected and amused at the same time might be the trigger to Yunho’s next action as his uninvited hand griped on Mingi’s unsuspecting one._

_“What if I tell you you can?”_

_The look on Mingi’s face twisted in confusion. Of course he wouldn't comply that easy. Yunho sighed._

_“Do you remember that night when I rushed to your room to sleepover?”_

_Mingi nodded. Yunho decided to spill the tea because things like this was bound to happen. San and Wooyoung had apologized to him and asked him to keep things secret but Yunho was not a saint. Especially not Jeong Yunho. He needed to get things out of his head too._

_“Wooyoung was there. In our room. He was on top of San.” An everyday occurrence. “Naked. Both of them.” not everyday occurrence._

_“Haha. Funny. Try again tomorrow.”_

_“No! Fuck. Mingi you know my lying eyes! Do you think I'm lying?? Even I won't step over those boundaries. I won't ever lie about this topic!”_

_They both stopped shouting and Yunho presented the barest, most truthful stare Mingi had ever seen from his best friend for the last couple of weeks. Yunho’s eyes were wide open, misted with craving and unrest. There was no sign of those googly shaky eyes he always did when he lied. Because he didn't._

_Mingi always hit the bullseye, uncovering Yunho’s shit whenever he didn't feel like being the most genuine human being. And Mingi always acted accordingly or he just stayed silent. Yunho always returned the favor. Maybe that was why they were such good friends. They understood each other, shitty or not. And Yunho hoped Mingi understood him this time too._

_“Fuck me!” Mingi shouted, panic raided his face once again. “I hope you're lying. But why do I feel like you're not?”_

_“Because I'm fucking not! And thus why I wish I'm just fucking disturbed and not thinking about it 24/7 and excuse you I have a fucking boner to take care of!”_

_The way Yunho fussed around, face red, and breath irregular might looked pathetic. He didn't need that pity on Mingi’s face. He didn't want to rut on Mingi’s thigh, he wanted understanding and a way out. In which Mingi reluctantly shifted closer and put a hand on Yunho’s shaking thigh._

_“Dude-”_

_“Dude me once again and I'll smack you on the face with my fucking boner!”_

_“Dude, tell me how I can help..”_

_\----_

_It was crazy._

_It started in the least harmful way possible. After Yunho had been taken care of that night, which didn't involved anything remotely close to what Wooyoung and San were doing because he was on the fucking edge, the crisis died down. Yunho was back to being his reliable self and Mingi has passed that awkward friend with benefit phase Yunho had agonized over in silence._

_Yunho had a girlfriend. A proper one this time. He went out at night with the highest precaution than usual and got back to the dorm being the victim of deja vu. San and Wooyoung apologized once again and took him to a barbecue house to bribe him no matter how hard they denied it. They ended up telling everything, their worry, their guilt, and their desperate measure because they couldn't deny who they really were and who they wanted to be with. Yunho ended up feeling empathetic. And aroused. Because once again he was a witness of their sexual act and people who didn't think San and Wooyoung were individually stunning, let alone two of them combined, could smack themselves on the face with their own boner and die._

_Yunho started having vision again. And he started going to Mingi’s room again._

_Mingi complied without resistance this time to Yunho’s surprise. Their hand game advanced. More fabric was thrown._

_\----_

_Yunho was over in Mingi’s room and played games as usual. It had been over a month since he last saw his girlfriend and honestly it didn't bother him that much. The other party didn't seem to be bothered either. Probably for the better. Once he was in the system, he didn't put too much faith in celebrity dating anyway. Celebs dated one another because they didn't have any choice unless they want to wreck someone’s life._

_He thought it was weird how Mingi let him sit on his bed when he had his hand on his switch. Usually he would fuss over and kicked Yunho out of his bed just so he could roll around while watching his favorite drama. It somehow made sense when Mingi was the one slipping a hand under Yunho’s shirt._

_They proceeded just like that. More advanced and more fabric to shed._

_Everytime, they progressed little by little, no matter who was the one who initiated the act. Yunho had lost count. Until the point where they had no more room but to advance at Woosan’s level. Maybe even more._

_But they didn't talk about it because they understood each other. At least Yunho thought they did._

_\----_

_Busted._

_Wooyoung was broken and beyond repair. He was betrayed and crushed by a person he trusted. The conclusion was, he trusted the wrong guy. People who were so downtrodden with guilt could always find a way to blame themselves. Ironic because they were mostly good people with a sprinkle of stupid mistake._

_Jackasses knew no guilt._

_Like Yunho, who just stayed silent the whole time when a confrontation erupted in their dorm. Hongjoong almost hit Jongho. And yet Yunho was still silent. He blamed no one. Because this wasn't his shit._

_Different with San and Wooyoung, his and Mingi’s fling was completely recreational. No string attached. Their relationship stayed in Mingi’s dorm room and never came out. Not even a single stolen glances. No one knew about their affair. No one maybe except for Yeosang, and maybe Seonghwa, whose intuition were as sharp as a housewife of a cheating partner. Yunho and Mingi were professionals. The only difference was that Mingi’s anxiety struck back while Yunho was perfectly fine._

_Yunho kept the chanting in his mind strong, that this catastrophe wasn't his fault. That he was even one of the victim._

_But even a jackass like Yunho knew that he’s a jackass._

_\----_

_The finalized contract termination was signed and everyone went their separate ways. They had one suitcase each when they closed their dorm for the last time._

_It was as if their journey ended just like that. Like a thriving pirate ship, sailing through deadly storms, exploring unknown realms, looking towards the horizon, together, and then a Kraken appeared and snapped their ship in half. The end._

_Jongho had left way earlier than them. San and Wooyoung wilted, like a pair of old socks forgotten somewhere in the closet. Hongjoong looked pissed. Of course, who wouldn't? Seonghwa and Yeosang wore their poker face. Mingi just looked relieved everything was over. He was that broken._

_Yunho then sat in his taxi, on the way to his parent’s house. The whole ride he spent on crying himself out and chanting useless apology with his taxi driver being his sole audience._

_The one who showed himself the most in his recollection was Mingi._

_Yunho was stupid like that_.

\----

“Mingi-ah, someone’s searching for you in the main hall.”

Mingi tenses. He thanks his co-worker with a pat on his back. Finally, this day comes. He breathes in and out, regulating his frantic heartbeat as much as he can. He pays no mind to the loud music playing through the speaker.

He shouldn't be nervous. He’s in one of his best suit. He looks okay too. At least the styling team in his current company spares a minute or two to style even staff like Mingi.

Mingi sips the champagne in his hand. This is just an after party of a drama series that fishes moderate rating on TV. A show that he was a part of as one of the music producers. One of many.

Mingi’s day job now involves mainly producing jingles, bgms, advertisements, everything that people don't give a shit about. Sometimes he lends a hand in producing and writing songs for low-mid tier artists. He should have been thankful to be able to work with the music he loves without having to beat himself too much with image branding. He’s happy to work behind the scene. He’s content for now.

The unfamiliar corridor leads Mingi nowhere, only bumping into several half drunk film crews and actors. He shuffles through the human maze with a surprisingly perfect balance on his champagne glass until he runs into someone he thinks isn't belong to this world. Someone who is so otherworldly stunning in his dark blazer and turtleneck with an ever darker midnight hair. His figure is always flawless and his face is the epitome of perfection. Big, warm eyes, strong nose, lovely pair of pink lips that are begging to be kissed in which Mingi doesn't have the luxury to.

“Hey Mingi! Long time no see!”

An exaggeration. Because Mingi sees him every night in his sleep.

“Yu-Yunho! How are you?”

“Great! How are you? I was surprised when I saw your name in Maroo ent’s attendance list. I want to make sure it’s you.”

And then they exchange some formal bullshit.

Mingi knows from the get go that Yunho is taking part as one of the supporting actors. He’s aching for a reunion. He’s aching for those sturdy hands that had kept him sane for years under the ruthless idol world.

If Mingi has to choose the things that made him stay in the game after that awful year, it’s his passion for music, and Yunho. Because without Yunho, he would have gone crazy. All those nights they spent exploring each other had seized Mingi’s paranoia. Yunho was almost like a drug to him. A drug that came with a caution of unavoidable addiction. Yunho was his savior and Mingi would like to keep it that way.

“What? Sorry I can't hear you.”

Mingi flinches a bit when Yunho leans to put his ears closer to his mouth. Thanks to the blaring music.

“I said are you filming other show right now?”

“Ah. Yeah! Some variety show. I'm one of their judge panel. No big deal.”

Unfortunately people are blind to not give Yunho his spotlight. Yunho is still active in the showbiz but his career hasn't hit any significant milestone. He’s appearing in drama series as a supporting actor, never lead actor. People might know him as “that judge in Immortal Song” or “I know his face but I don't know his name”. They need to be educated.

“Oh nice! Tell me when it airs!”

Mingi always binge watches anything with Yunho in it. Even that one horror movie he despises so much. The script was so bad and he wantes to smack some sense to the sound effect team. And maybe kudos to the special effect team because the jump scares prevented Mingi from going on his midnight pee for one whole month.

“The music is loud in here. Let's move somewhere.”

Yunho takes Mingi’s free hand, brushing the fabric of his shirt in the process. Yunho is close, so so close Mingi’s heart starts racing like a high school kid when they meet their crush in the hallway. Yunho always has a spot in Mingi’s heart no matter how one sided things are.

They stumble through the corridor before Yunho pulls him inside a small room with a whiteboard and a small table. Considering how familiar he is with the building, Mingi thinks Yunho has spend so much time in there. His little devil adds: so much time getting away from work to know that one empty room people use to hook up at work. He remembers to put the little devil back inside his pocket.

“Now tell me about you!”

Yunho cheers and their glasses clink.

“Nothing much. My biggest work might be that cup ramyeon advertisement, the one shot in a bullet train.”

_Are you going out with someone?_

“No way you’re kidding me! That's my breakfast for every Monday and Thursday!”

_Ask it Mingi, ask._

“You’re still living on cup ramyeon at this age dude? Come oooon.”

_Are you going out with someone?_

“You’re gonna get between me and cup ramyeon? Not a chance!”

_Are you going out with someone?_

“No I’m not going out with anyone.”

“Huh? I said that aloud?”

Yunho bursts into laughter.

“Yes! Oh my God you said that twice, Mingi! You never change.”

And Mingi hates how instead of thinking that he’s some obsessive psycho and get away fast, Yunho just stays there holding his stomach to tone down his laughter.

Once upon a time, Mingi and Yunho understood each other. Or maybe not so much.

Mingi’s dry laughter fills the air and he’s back to the sheepish Mingi with existential crisis after so many years of going strong by himself. It only takes one Jeong Yunho.

“But for real, though. I’m not.” Yunho snorts back a laugh before striking back, this time, his eyes stares right through Mingi’s timid ones. “I can't.”

In which Mingi doubts. Yunho can get any woman he wants. Mingi's a man and he fell hard too. Back then they couldn't be together because their circumstances forced them not to. Today they can't be together because Mingi knows he’s never in Yunho’s radar in the first place.

When he had a meltdown after witnessing Woosan’s action, Yunho approached him first. To his own surprise, Mingi didn't back down. They were completely casual. Mingi was just an unstable bubble of anxiety and Yunho was just being a reliable af best friend. It was definitely not love, but Mingi couldn't deny the emotional attachment he brewed towards the other man. Mingi could definitely use their evolved physical relationship to steer his useless sentiment somewhere else, or in his specific case, nowhere at all. When they did fuck, they fucked with lust on the front line and nothing else backing them up. They never cuddled or shared kisses afterwards. Their relationship was the antithesis of Woosan’s emotional one.

Yunho was everything Mingi hoped to be until he didn't. Until he realized that Yunho was an equally shitty human being by the end of the day. He was uncommited, a cheater, and a coward who just kept silent when Wooyoung and San were getting their world squashed and burned to the ground albeit doing the same thing, or even worse. But Mingi was kinda broken too so he understood and it doesn't change the fact that Yunho still kept him fucking alive and sane for the rest of his idol days. Yunho’s title as Mingi’s savior is not any less true even with all the shits surrounding him.

When Mingi says he wants to keep it that way, he hasn’t taken into account if Yunho, with the help of an imaginary deity, harbours some sort of romantic attachment to him. Because then he’ll no longer be his savior, Yunho will be his God and the world knows damn too well that people who relied too much on their God ended up destroying themselves. Things that had been broken once would keep their defect, Mingi included.

That same whatever deity should be hold responsible for Mingi’s body’s total lockdown when he feels the bitter sweet tang of red wine on his lips. Yunho always opted for wine in formal gathering, and it had to be red. Mingi couldn't see the appeal, even now. It still tastes like an expired grape juice mixed with sparkling water. He applauds his resilient taste buds when the rest of his body stops working, well, maybe except for his heart and the rest of his passive bodily functions that clearly registers how close Yunho’s body is pressed against him. Within the time they messed around together, Yunho was less of a bastard for thinking as long as it didn't involved feelings, having sex with other people was okay because as idols they didn't really have much room to wiggle. So they never kissed. Of course Mingi had fantasized but he knew his standing.

“Tell me you want this too.”

Yunho’s voice was low and breathy against his lips.

“N-no.”

A quick peck.

“Please, Mingi-yah.”

Both glasses end up on the table.

“N-no.”

Mingi can't let desire wins him over.

“Tell me you want it.”

_Of course I want it._

“Oh thank God.”

Another kiss. Deepening by every second passed.

“I said that aloud?”

Song Mingi. Never change. A sad chuckle.

“I don't know. Maybe my imagination. A hopeful one.”

Yunho stops ravishing Mingi and puts his forehead on his shoulder.

“I do, Yunho.” Mingi’s confession earns a genuinely relieved smile from Yunho. “But I can't.” The smile falters and Mingi’s heart shatters.

“What is this? Payback?”

A desperate plea.

“No Yunho you don't understand.”

“Then explain!”

It’s disheartening seeing Yunho starts to break down because he never breaks. Yunho is as strong as a rock, resilient like steel. He’ll never break. Or so Mingi thought.

“I fucking can't.”

He’s fucking scared. Scared to get attached and couldn't let go. If he says yes and after what, a month? A year? Two? Yunho decides to leave him, the consequences are unimaginable.

Mingi looks away, no longer has the strength to stomach things that are happening.

“Come on, we can talk things over, yeah? Please?”

Yunho’s eyes start to shake. His face scrunched up in remorse for the emotional baggage Mingi thinks a person as well off as Yunho could never have.

This is a complete theory, but what if, Mingi’s tiny and relentless consciousness theorizes, what if Yunho was also dependent on Mingi? For whatever reason, Mingi doesn't care. What if Mingi was a pillar for Yunho to lean on too when things went south in their idol days? What if the both of them were just two broken pillars supporting each other to avoid mutual break down? When the burden got too heavy, they were both crushed down and rolled away from one another only to roll back to their initial state.

“I...”

He doesn't have much time until Yunho’s phone vibrates violently in his pocket. Whoever it is, their 6th sense is working pretty damn well. Mingi just wants to be saved. The phone vibrates so intensely he actually shoves Yunho away to keep himself in check.

“So, sorry.”

Mingi, not wanting to make the atmosphere any denser that it already is, opts to reach for his own phone. His eyes widen when he sees someone is calling him too. He looks up only to see the same expression plastered all over Yunho’s face.

“Kim Hongjoong.”

“Park Seonghwa.”

~Continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please holler and feed me some kudos to keep my motivation up, guys!


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